I’ve always been allergic to the “R” word and I take note that it’s a very complex one to embrace, especially if you are a person like me, always galloping about and grappling with concepts, ideas and issues.
Some say I’m annoyingly free spirited, always on the move and elusive. Others may say I’m relationship phobic and have such a colourful track record in it. (So when you see a cat lady…you know where she’s coming from).
But when it comes down to it, my advice stems from the 3 Rs itself (Rules, Roles & Rituals).
1. The Rules. I know it sounds constraining, but with every solid relationship, these must be established for both individuals to feel emotional safe and secure. Both should communicate the boundaries (don’t assume and leave these unstated) and explore each other’s views in this. Think about what you need the other partner to do, or not to do to feel safe in the relationship. Questions such as, “Do you need your partner to know if he’s running late? Who pays for what bills? Etc…
2. The Roles. I think having a basic understanding of what is expected from each other is important.
3. The Rituals. This is the glue of the relationship. This includes things like goodbye kisses, the daily phone calls, the weekend hang outs, the excursions or whatever tickles your fancy. These tend to get forgotten in the tough times, or times of transition, and often, when goes undetected, erodes a relationship away.
But never be with someone just because others tell you that you both look good for each other. “Looking good” is an outward perception and means nothing. I think relationships is a fundamental learning experience and the depth of it gives us hope to delve within for further meaning in life. Relationships work when there is a “relatedness” between two people in some heartfelt way.
But hey, here’s a simplified version of how it works, not saying its easy to implement but good luck and let me hear of your advice and experience!
O_o
Well yeh... as I always say, relationships are "vehicles for change" however quite commonly I've observed that most girls are always wanting to know just where the vehicle is going and most guys are just enjoying the ride... But I'm down with the whole relatedness thing and I'm a music guy, I write, hip hop, rock, punk, and relatedness creates the paint for my brush and the colours for my palette. It's the relatedness I feel with a girl, that seeks expression through music, music for me being the language of emotion, my songs are a series of documentaries. And, perhaps like you, I am passionately determined to achieve my goals, and I don't need a good woman/man behind me, they'd only get in the way... I dispute the common assertion that if you aren't in or seeking a serious relationship for the term of your natural life there is something wrong with you. Of far greater detriment is to prematurely relinquish your freedom and opportunity to grow and evolve independently. As a "free spirit" we develop autonomously and become a more concentrated version of ourselves and this helps us to achieve greater potency. I would throw myself into the river of life, as turbulant and uncertain as it may be, rather than seek the shelter of the pond or lake, because despite the painful batterings I have received, the river is taking me places and building new strength. I do however, island hop along the way and pull into a few sheltered coves, I'm human after all ( : LA
ReplyDeleteGosh...Annoymous...Why must you remain annoymous? Your words are truly inspiring and your descriptions hit the spot to what I'm going through! Instead of feeling that there is something wrong in my life, or pretending that I'm missing something, I'm not - because I'm comfortable with who I am.
ReplyDeleteThanks heaps and keep the cogs moving!
Not so annoymous... I'm LA or Mega Kirei in my bands, Composer, Artist, Psychotherapist and all round extraordinary dude from Cash Palace on facebook. Nice to know I got one soul sister out there who is travelling in the same sytle on a her own journey. Luke
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